Being that my youngest son is now two-and-a half, the immediate post-partum phase is not a fresh memory in my body or mind. However, in interactions with several new moms lately, I have been reminded of just how difficult this time can be.
New baby, no milk yet, sudden hormonal drop, limited sleep, and not a soul in the room in the same place as you...nobody talks about this!
Of course, some moms do have the perma-high of endorphins and birth and an energy reserve I'm not sure I have even on the best of days, but more than not, moms are exhausted and somewhat daunted by the task ahead with tears pouring out at the drop of a hat.
Physiologically, our bodies undergo an incredible change in a small span of time, unlike the beginning of pregnancy, which weaves its slow way into the full fledged affair. Once the baby is born, the placenta comes with it, and there go all those lovely hormones that have held us through the ebb and flow of pregnancy. Milk takes up to a few days to come in and baby may be 'feeding' quite continuously on the colostrum, creating the future demand for milk, but not necessarily currently sated enough to sleep. The cocoon we create around ourselves at this point in time can be very beneficial; however, it can become quite lonely as well. It's such a fine balance between needing the support of others but not needing to be responsible for anyone but our own selves and our child. This includes other children as well.
Our partners may be very supportive or not at all. We may have others doing the cooking or we may have full responsibility of all aspects of family care. For some women, being up and on the go and in charge of the house is just what feels right. For others, the need for rest and replenishment is absolutely critical. No woman is the same.
But just in case no one has said it or you are wondering, this can be a hard time. And just as speaking to the reality of pregnancy and birth is more helpful to a woman in terms of handling what she is experiencing and what is to come, speaking plainly about the post-partum phase is similarly important.
First, acknowledging just how hard this time can be is very valuable. Underestimating the demands on your body and spirit and thinking you are somehow not 'doing enough' or 'not good enough' or whatever form of 'not enough' that women are so prone to feel leaves you without the credit you deserve! You have carried a baby for almost ten months, sharing your nutrients, your love and rearranging your life to accommodate a new soul. You have labored in any number of fashions or given to the sacrifice of cesarian and surgical recovery. Even if the birth was 'the only feat' you had just accomplished (in the absence of 10 months of pregnancy), don't you think that is enough? Think of marathon runners that give themselves long and healing down times after the event in order to properly recuperate and be available to continue competing down the road. Shouldn't we do the same?! And on top of all of this, your body is busy metamorphosing nutrients into an incredible milk supply for your new child. Wow. I'm seriously impressed. So, let's start giving ourselves the credit we deserve for this amazing process of pregnancy and birth and acknowledge that it is (whether rewarding or not) demanding and we have every right to feel tired and teary-eyed and to change our emotions with the breeze.
Second, prepare in advance for this period of time if you can and nourish yourself in every which way possible. Meal trees are a wonderful way to spread the joy and love of a newborn and allow others to nourish you. Have a friend or loved-one create one online. People sign up and bring the food by. You do not have to entertain these people. Let them feed you. Enjoy and respect the gift for what it is. Eat well. Drink plenty of fluids. NAP! I can't express this enough. We are so caught up in this crazy production schedule that falls so far from our circadian and other body rhythms. When baby sleeps, you sleep. It doesn't matter if it is the middle of the day. It doesn't matter if it is 5 hours in the middle of the day! That is perfect. Let others feed and love and entertain older children you may have. It's a great opportunity for them to realize how supported they are in a larger community and web-of-life (not a failing on your part!) Be 'selfish'. I say it this way not because it is truly selfish, but because so many women get caught in the trap of doing for others and think anything that nourishes the self makes them somehow lesser. Oh my. If we don't care for ourselves, what have we got to give? And the post-partum period is a HUGE time of giving just for one little soul alone.
There are other things that can help. Sitz baths, hot baths, heating pads, cool compresses on the forehead, electrolyte solutions, warm teas, scents, massage, placenta encapsulation and just having someone you trust, who knows how hard this time is, to talk to when you need it.
But please, please remember, though we think of birth as being the end of the journey of pregnancy, it is really only the beginning. It is the precursor to a lifetime of raising children and metamorphosing our forms over and over again. You have carried and birthed a child and now need the rest and replenishment to continue to raise that child for the years to come. Take it. Cry when you need too. Laugh uncontrollably. Take care of yourself and allow others to help. Nourish. The more we can accept and nourish ourselves, the more we can offer the same ability to our children and our community.
To all the new moms out there, I say, "WOW!" You are AMAZING!!!
New baby, no milk yet, sudden hormonal drop, limited sleep, and not a soul in the room in the same place as you...nobody talks about this!
Of course, some moms do have the perma-high of endorphins and birth and an energy reserve I'm not sure I have even on the best of days, but more than not, moms are exhausted and somewhat daunted by the task ahead with tears pouring out at the drop of a hat.
Physiologically, our bodies undergo an incredible change in a small span of time, unlike the beginning of pregnancy, which weaves its slow way into the full fledged affair. Once the baby is born, the placenta comes with it, and there go all those lovely hormones that have held us through the ebb and flow of pregnancy. Milk takes up to a few days to come in and baby may be 'feeding' quite continuously on the colostrum, creating the future demand for milk, but not necessarily currently sated enough to sleep. The cocoon we create around ourselves at this point in time can be very beneficial; however, it can become quite lonely as well. It's such a fine balance between needing the support of others but not needing to be responsible for anyone but our own selves and our child. This includes other children as well.
Our partners may be very supportive or not at all. We may have others doing the cooking or we may have full responsibility of all aspects of family care. For some women, being up and on the go and in charge of the house is just what feels right. For others, the need for rest and replenishment is absolutely critical. No woman is the same.
But just in case no one has said it or you are wondering, this can be a hard time. And just as speaking to the reality of pregnancy and birth is more helpful to a woman in terms of handling what she is experiencing and what is to come, speaking plainly about the post-partum phase is similarly important.
First, acknowledging just how hard this time can be is very valuable. Underestimating the demands on your body and spirit and thinking you are somehow not 'doing enough' or 'not good enough' or whatever form of 'not enough' that women are so prone to feel leaves you without the credit you deserve! You have carried a baby for almost ten months, sharing your nutrients, your love and rearranging your life to accommodate a new soul. You have labored in any number of fashions or given to the sacrifice of cesarian and surgical recovery. Even if the birth was 'the only feat' you had just accomplished (in the absence of 10 months of pregnancy), don't you think that is enough? Think of marathon runners that give themselves long and healing down times after the event in order to properly recuperate and be available to continue competing down the road. Shouldn't we do the same?! And on top of all of this, your body is busy metamorphosing nutrients into an incredible milk supply for your new child. Wow. I'm seriously impressed. So, let's start giving ourselves the credit we deserve for this amazing process of pregnancy and birth and acknowledge that it is (whether rewarding or not) demanding and we have every right to feel tired and teary-eyed and to change our emotions with the breeze.
Second, prepare in advance for this period of time if you can and nourish yourself in every which way possible. Meal trees are a wonderful way to spread the joy and love of a newborn and allow others to nourish you. Have a friend or loved-one create one online. People sign up and bring the food by. You do not have to entertain these people. Let them feed you. Enjoy and respect the gift for what it is. Eat well. Drink plenty of fluids. NAP! I can't express this enough. We are so caught up in this crazy production schedule that falls so far from our circadian and other body rhythms. When baby sleeps, you sleep. It doesn't matter if it is the middle of the day. It doesn't matter if it is 5 hours in the middle of the day! That is perfect. Let others feed and love and entertain older children you may have. It's a great opportunity for them to realize how supported they are in a larger community and web-of-life (not a failing on your part!) Be 'selfish'. I say it this way not because it is truly selfish, but because so many women get caught in the trap of doing for others and think anything that nourishes the self makes them somehow lesser. Oh my. If we don't care for ourselves, what have we got to give? And the post-partum period is a HUGE time of giving just for one little soul alone.
There are other things that can help. Sitz baths, hot baths, heating pads, cool compresses on the forehead, electrolyte solutions, warm teas, scents, massage, placenta encapsulation and just having someone you trust, who knows how hard this time is, to talk to when you need it.
But please, please remember, though we think of birth as being the end of the journey of pregnancy, it is really only the beginning. It is the precursor to a lifetime of raising children and metamorphosing our forms over and over again. You have carried and birthed a child and now need the rest and replenishment to continue to raise that child for the years to come. Take it. Cry when you need too. Laugh uncontrollably. Take care of yourself and allow others to help. Nourish. The more we can accept and nourish ourselves, the more we can offer the same ability to our children and our community.
To all the new moms out there, I say, "WOW!" You are AMAZING!!!
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